Today's Moment of Awkward: Why I'll Never Grow Old

For two years I lived in an elevatorless building on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.  My roommate and I lived on the second floor, but there was an old woman who lived two floors above us.  This woman had three dogs (shit, this sounds like it could be future me) and the saddest life ever.  She was also rather obese, and always seemed to be carrying bags full of canned goods up and down the stairs for no apparent reason.

One New Year's Day my roommate and I were returning from our tradition hung-over bagel run and ran into our elderly neighbor laboriously climbing down the stairs.  She asked about our New Year's Eve and we gave the standard response you give old people about your New Year's Eve plans: "It was fun, just a small group of friends".

Then we asked her about her New Year's Eve and I haven't stopped crying since.

Elderly Neighbor: I wanted to watch the ball drop on TV but there was a problem with my cable.  I was actually on the phone with a man from Time Warner at midnight.

Us:  Oh no!  Aww.  How awful.  Etc. 

Elderly Neighbor:  No, it wasn't that bad.  At least I had someone to talk to on New Year's Eve this year...

Us: Awkward Silence.  Awkward Silence.  AWKWARD SILENCE.  HORRIFIED SOBBING.