I was at a bar Saturday night and I got in line for the bathroom behind two drunk girls. Standing in line you were pretty much forced to look at yourself in a giant mirror, and these drunk girls were not happy about it.
Drunk Girl #1: I don't get it. I looked so good when I left the apartment, but now I look horrible.
Drunk Girl #2: Me too! Is it the mirror?
Drunk Girl #1: No, I think I got fatter.
Drunk Girl #2: Me too!
They kind of turned towards me, looking for me to add something (What I'm not sure. Was I supposed to agree that they looked fat, tell them they didn't look fat, or say that I look fat as well? No idea). I just shrugged. The bathroom door opened and Drunk Girl #2 went inside, leaving Drunk Girl #1 with no one to talk to. But me.
Drunk Girl #1: Okay, I have an idea. I think I'll look prettier if I take off my lipstick.
She turns to me for an opinion.
Me: ... Okay.
She smears off her lipstick.
Drunk Girl #1: Is this better?
Me: I... You... Yes?
That's when Drunk Girl #3 joined the line behind me.
Drunk Girl #3: You look great! I like your ass! Wait, I probably shouldn't stay that stuff. But it's true. Your ass looks amazing in that dress.
Drunk Girl #1: Really? (On the verge of tears) Really?!? That's the nicest thing any one has said to me in a really long time.
Drunk Girl #3: Well it's true. If I were gay I would totally want to grab your ass.
Drunk Girl #1: That's so sweet!
They are practically making out around me. Drunk Girl #2 comes out of the bathroom, leaving the door open for Drunk Girl #1. She ignores it.
Drunk Girl #1: I feel like I was meant to meet you tonight. I think this is fate.
WHAT?
Drunk Girl #3: We should totally become best friends.
Me: Umm, the bathroom is open...
Just then a male friend of Drunk Girl #1's comes up to check on her.
Drunk Girl #1: Ben, you have to meet this girl. She's my new best friend. She told me my ass looks good in this dress.
Now Drunk Girl #3 is sort of hitting on male friend Ben.
Me: Bathroom...
Drunk Girl #3: I am so happy I met you two. I just sort of believe we're all going to be in each other's lives forever now.
Drunk Girl #1: I know, I totally agree.
Me: Bathroom's open. You're up.
Drunk Girl #3: We need to hang out more.
More than just this once, in line for the bathroom? I subtly inch towards the bathroom, and slide inside. They don't seem to notice. I can hear them outside making plans for their life together. This is my life, I am the awkward filling in a drunk girl sandwich.
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