Someone Else's Awkward: Too Fat To Fold

I was talking to someone over the weekend about my skin-head-attack-victim Halloween costume and it reminded me of a story my Nan once told me.  Now "Nan" is not the name I use for my grandmother, as most people assume, but what I called my nanny, Lenore.  And let's be honest, Nan for nanny makes way more sense Nan for grandma.  Just saying.

Anyway, my Nan was a four foot ten, 250 pound Guatemalan woman who was my family's housekeeper from the time I was six months old until I left for college.  She was an unashamedly very fat woman.  Imagine what that looks like.  No, you know what, here's a photo:

One day she was at the laundromat doing her laundry (because what else would you do at the laundromat?  Unless your that homeless guy in my neighborhood who goes to the laundromat to sleep on top of the dryers because they're so nice and warm... Wow, that got really depressing.  I'm just kidding, he actually goes there to masturbate.  But I digress.) and a woman came up to her and offered to help her fold.  My Nan assumed it was just a kind gesture, which is where she made her first mistake.  

Laundromat Woman: So... you must be pretty tired.

Nan: ... No, I'm fine.

Laundromat Woman:  Is it okay for you to be on your feet like this?

Nan:  ... I don't know what else I would stand on.

Laundromat Woman:   Hahaha.  But can't your husband do this for you?

Nan:  He's at work.

Laundromat Woman:  Ahh, isn't that always the way.

My Nan was getting suspicious of Laundromat Woman's intentions by this point but didn't really know what to do about it.  Then this happened:

Laundromat Woman: So... When are you due?  You look like you're ready to pop any day now.

Nan:  Oh, I'm not pregnant.  I'm just fat.

This is where she made her second mistake.  She should have lied.  But let's give credit to my Nan here, because she didn't really look pregnant.  She looked, just like she said, fat.  Proportionately fat.  So unless parts of the baby were growing in her arms and legs as well it didn't really make sense to assume she was pregnant.  But the Laundromat Woman didn't see it that way.  She threw down the rest of my Nan's laundry and glared at her.

Laundromat Woman:  Then why were you letting me fold your laundry?!

Nan: I thought you were just being nice.

Laundromat Woman:  I was being nice!!  But it was wasted... on just a fat person.

My Nan just shrugged and went back to folding her own laundry, which is why I love her.  The lesson here is always be suspicious when someone offers to help you.