Awkward Pick-Up Line: "I Have Chlamydia"

You would think that being diagnosed with Chlamydia would hinder your dating life.  Not so for my friend Kumquat*.   Kumquat was one of my best friends in high school, but after graduation she got a little... what's the word... slutty.  She also developed a penchant for commitment phobic guys.  (No judgement here, I think we've all been guilty of that at some point in our lives.  Okay, well maybe not all of us, but probably me.)  She had a huge thing for a guy named Santiago**.  Of course she was more into Santiago than he was into her so after a lot of uncomfortable, obviously set-up "bumping-intos" (that I was usually involved in against my will) it ended.  That is until she got chlamydia.  Because when you get chlamydia the doctor tells you that you have to inform anyone you've had sex with in the past year, which apparently in  Kumquat's mind was as good an ice breaker as any to start things up again with Santiago.  Thus I was forced to listen to the most awkward phone conversation of my life.

Kumquat:  "Hey, Santiago, it's  Kumquat.  (That part didn't sound so absurd when it was their real names)  So... how have you been?  Yadayadayada.  Well, actually, I'm calling for a reason.  You see, my doctor told me I have chlamydia and that you should probably get tested.  But I also thought maybe we could get together and have coffee.  Catch up on old times.  Plus, I mean if we both already have chlamydia..."

Needless to say they are now married.  Haha, just kidding.  They're both dead.

*Seriously, I'm really bad at coming up with fake names.

** Boom.  Nailed it.  Awesome fake name.  I'm getting better at this.